My brother and I at his wedding, August 2002
Chad & Joy
Dear Chad,
It seems that my big brother is turning 30..... I cannot believe it. It seems like it was just yesterday that you were tying my shoestrings together while I slept so that when I woke up, I would fall on my face. Or do you remember the time that we were racing Caite while she was learning to crawl, and I got carpetburn all over my knees and Mom had to stay up all night and blow on them? I'll never forget riding in your big blue truck everyday to freshman year of highschool, only to smell like diesel fuel when I got there..... Or what about all those times when you called me "4 eyes" and "pepperoni pizza face?" And then those times when I broke up with my boyfriend and you called me to make sure I was okay.....?
Those things are seemingly a distant memory, but they have certainly not faded from my mind. The truth is, Chad, I have not spoken to you in over 7 years. You chose not to come to my wedding, you haven't met my girls or heard them ask about Uncle Chad. And I've never gotten to meet your little Justin..... It's amazing to me when I get to see Da'Montae, and am overwhelmed with this sense that I love him like my very own, yet you also have a son that I have never gotten to meet, and he started Kindergarten this year.....
And yet, I love you just the same.
I don't know what has happened in life? I don't know what went wrong. I know that you were raised in the same family that I was where love was abundant, forgiveness was taught, and unconditional love was the underlying message to each and every lesson. And I still know that God is continuing to work in EACH of our own seemingly separate lives.
I think of you and your beautiful family everyday, although it would be easier and less painful to write you off.
And though we can't be an integral part of each other's lives right now, I am blessed to call you brother.
We all love you and pray that His light shines on you everyday.
4 comments:
Sigh...I wish I knew what to say.
Cara, I'm sorry.
It would seem to me that there is a underlying reason your brother has not had contact with you for 7 years...A sibling doesn't just wake up one day and not want anything to do with his/her family without a Reason...I would explore that instead of putting personal information on the internet like this...
Anonymous,
Thank you for your "concern." You are right--a sibling doesn't just wake up and stop talking to their family, which is why I, along with Cait, Mom and Dad, have analyzed the situation and asked for forgiveness REPEATEDLY for whatever we may have done to cause this, without avail. And yet, as you can see through my blog post, I am still wanting to remedy things and put the past behind us. I love my brother and his family more than words can say.....
And as far as "putting personal information on the internet," this blog was created by me, and for me. I have the right to post whatever I feel on my heart. This blog posting was not meant to cause harm to anyone, but was my way of writing what was on my heart as we prepared to celebrate Chad's birthday, without him for another year. If you don't like reading people's personal journals, then you probably shouldn't be perusing and posting anonymously, anyways.
I love you, Chad.
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